lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just gargled with NyQuil
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
