So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize