He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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