i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
