Umm I'm too high to move.
You can't motorboat a personality
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize