you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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