I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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