I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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