I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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