my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
