I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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