chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
