I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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