My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
