Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
