Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
