I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
