theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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