I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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