Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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