Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
