cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You made out with two different species that night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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