White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
