I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
