Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
