If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
