bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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