u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
