Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dick very happy bro
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
