We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
