I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
