with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
