Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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