im having a threesome with these popsicles
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
