So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
