i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize