My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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