giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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