Apparently you make a good broom.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
