Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
