He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
