I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
