we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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