pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
