I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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