ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Ladies don't puke and tell
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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