my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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