i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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