dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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