wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
