This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
