Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
