Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize