Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
