you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
