Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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