Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Swine flu. Run for my life!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
