Yo dont text me then not text me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize