my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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