If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
