You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
