she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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