woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
