What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
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