We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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