I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
