did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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