I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
