Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
