According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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