Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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